Wordendings
Where Words Dissolve
Happiness Begins
On the road to Nirvana
Treasure Hunt
I didn't know where to start looking for this grail, this hidden treasure. I hadn't been exposed to a great deal of “how to” in spiritual questing but had made friends with a couple of people that were involved with Adi Da. They seemed to know a great deal about Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism, and a host of most everything spiritual. Conversations with one of them about Adi Da left me scratching my head. I didn't get one understandable answer to the myriad of questions I'd posed even though we'd back and forth'd a bunch. This lay before the reality that he and his other friends appeared to have benefited from their association with Adi Da. They seemed stable with an understanding of the Big Picture. He said Adi Da was a Guru, but I didn't know what that meant other than 'teacher'. So what did he teach? A devotee of Adi Da says to me “It's all here in Chapter 1”, he hands me Method of the Siddas by Adi Da.
Chapter 1 is titled “Understanding”. It is the first talk, or lecture, given by Adi Da. Straight out of the chute I'm finding this amazing. He describes a process of observing something in yourself that results in understanding. This explanation of understanding struck me deeply as Truth — so deep that an event started to occur. Everything that I had read about as enlightenment started to happen. Forces deep within me started moving. A sense of understanding came forth. Everything made sense. I felt lifted and expanded. Emotionally I was beyond joy. I felt that I was being taken beyond mortal existence. Then I saw that in order for this event to continue, I would have to die. That set off something akin to a psychic domino effect. The moment of enlightenment went into reverse. I felt that enlightenment wasn’t possible. I hit the ceiling, so to speak. It felt that I had found a limit. I collapsed into a dismal state both of emotion and mind. It's kind of funny now looking back after 20 years. You don't have to die for the process to play out. Understanding these limitations is a "must". These limitations are what is to be sluiced as if mining for gold, the nuggets lie encased in crud needing to be washed away. That first night began an illustration of the playing field from top to bottom and beginning to end.
The next day I was receiving an acupuncture treatment. As I lay alone face down on the table I felt a distinct presence. Then the most incredible thing happened. It felt as if an actual physical hand was firmly pressing down on me. Then I went into fear. I had only seen such things in horror movies. I felt that I had opened the door to something that I knew nothing of, and it scared me. This obviously had something to do with Adi Da. I felt vulnerable and afraid. My knowledge of what to do was limited, but I went home and wrote a letter to Adi Da.
Then I needed an address to mail it to. I got a phone number and had my first conversation with a formal institutional member of Adi Da's organization, a “devotee”. I tried to explain that I had written Adi Da a letter and it was important. I was told that he won’t be receiving such a letter. I went on to explain again how important it was and was hit again with “no”. We're butting heads, I'm saying "You're not getting it" and he's like "no, you're not getting it". I had no idea that there were passels, like thousands, that had experiences around Adi Da at this level. The conversation ended with the idea that I should read more. I was pretty bent so I called another number. I spoke with a woman who gave me a comforting reality. When I told her what had happened, she laughed, gently saying, “Don’t worry about it, you’re not even a devotee". There was something in her voice that spoke of knowing where I was coming from, having had a most extraordinary experience.
I read some more from Methods (now called My Bright Word). I was struck by the word “relationship”. Adi Da makes big of this word and something about the idea of me being “here” and him being “there” clarified something. The wraps were off. I buoyed back to feeling “OMG! This is amazing!”
I was concerned about becoming involved with Adi Da formally. There were concerns about being stuck in an offbeat group. It can be sticky. like getting phone calls for money, being obligated to do things, and just being hounded altogether. I was having profound feelings and experiences. One time I was on the coast and everything I was looking at seemed to have some sort of being “alive”. I wanted to know more, become more involved, so I went into the local Adidam center in Marin. This was my first encounter with this unusual group. One thing that was unusual was being suspected. Things called “cults” have the air of being like spider webs that are out to catch you. Adidam wasn't like that. If anything, just the opposite. It's hard to find a door labeled “entrance”. Even once you get inside and you're looking for the E-Ticket Wowie Zowie Spirit Mountain Roller Coaster Ride you may find yourself walking through a door without noticing the "Exit" sign. The guy I talked to says that he'll talk to “the men” about it. The “screening” process in Adidam is one of its many peculiarities.
Speaking of "cults" - notice the quotation marks indicating there's something a bit screwy about the word, meaning it's a word that conjures up meanings that just aren't so. Like Adidam, "cult"? eh, it's a small unconventional disorganized religion benign like your eccentric Aunt Julie, the bohemian who never got married, a bit whacky but sweet as pie. Oh, and that sparkle in her eyes means more than you'll ever know if you don't get to know her.